Try Again
by catherine84
Summary: For a year Edward Cullen has been torturing himself over the breakdown of his marriage. Lacking the will and strength to move on, can he find someone to help him move forward, or will he let his insecurities get in the way of true happiness? AH/AU ExB OOC
1. Counting The Days

**Disclaimer:** I hold no ownership over Twilight or its characters; only this story.

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_How love doth lie. Sweet seduction marks the words of betrayal. For lust knows no boundaries, and desire is the key._

I stared at the pristine white ceiling as I lay on top of my wide bed. Thoughts were clouding my mind as they always did, gnawing and twisting my consciousness, tumbling around until the words made no sense. This was a most unfortunate consequence of being in this position, where people stopped talking to you as they lacked the awareness of what to say. Not that I would have known how to articulate myself to another person if they were in my situation. Knowing this, I forgave people for their inactions. Although other's I will never forgive for their actions. The pitter-patter of feet could be heard, stumbling quietly down the hallway which lay outside of my door. They were trying to be as silent as possible so that they didn't disturb me. I resented it somewhat, wishing that they would behave like I wasn't in this state, it would give me some sense of normalcy. I continued to lie on the bed covers until the first hint of sunlight began to filter through the curtains adjacent to the bed. This was my cue to get up.

I never needed an alarm clock any more; I barely registered a few hours of sleep a night and would lay awake for most of it. Insomnia was what a doctor would call it. I would be more inclined to think it was a form of torture that my brain was inflicting upon me, so that I would have no escape. The bed moved slightly underneath me as I shifted my weight, rolling over towards the door and night table, which held a lonely lamp and a glass of water. I moved to the edge of the bed, jerking myself upwards into a sitting position and sat there for a moment, kneading my right hand around the watch on my left wrist. There was no need to glance at it to know what the date was. It was a year today. One whole year. My head drooped towards my chest as I made a vain attempt to hold in the tears and emotion that I had fought against for so long. Everyone who knew me would also know what today was, and knowing the pitying stares that I would have to endure for entire day made me consider staying here in this room. A deep sigh rolled off my chest as I acknowledged that it simply wasn't an option. If I wanted any hope of moving forward, I would need to treat today as every other day.

I padded softly across the bare and impeccably clean room towards the door, grabbing my towel and clothes as I went. The bathroom was already occupied when I reached it, so I strolled back past my room and headed to the kitchen with the thought of breakfast in mind. The kitchen was occupied as well, so I took a seat on a bar stool and waited until Emmett had finished loading his arms with items out of the fridge. He obviously didn't hear me enter because he almost dropped everything when he turned around to find me across the countertop.

"Dammit Edward! Don't friggen do that!" He shouted.

I stared at him apologetically, as he unloaded the food onto the bench, and he shook his head in reply. I could always count on him to understand my silent language. I could tell that he was going to make an elaborate breakfast for his girlfriend Rose and himself. He had eggs, milk, sour cream, bacon, butter, some herbs and various other condiments set out on the counter. Not wanting to be witness to the spectacle that was their relationship, I quickly got off the stool, and made myself a bowl of cereal, before exiting to the lounge room. I knew Emmett wouldn't get offended, he rarely did. He barely hid the affectionate exchanges from me either, but that was just Emmett, so I couldn't hold it against him. After all, I was living in his house.

A high pitched squeal emitted from the direction of the kitchen, where the crackling sounds of the frypan could also be heard. Rose was apparently ecstatic with Emmett culinary attempt. Noting that the shower would now be free, but not wanting to return to the kitchen with my empty bowl, I left it on the mahogany coffee table and strode to bathroom. As I walked in, a thick layer of steam hovered near the ceiling and had fogged up the mirror. Unthinkingly, I walked over it and wiped some of the condensation away, revealing my pale reflection. It was such a sordid sight. The circles under my eyes were so dark that they became hollow pits, removing all shine from my irises. They should have been a deep green colour; instead they looked as black as the skin beneath them. My hair was in desperate need of a trim, with the majority of it long and dishevelled. I ran a hand through it in an attempt to tame some of the strands which stood out at weird angles, but it was a futile attempt. My hair had a life of its own. I wasn't particularly bothered as I hardly made any attempt at maintaining my appearance. I felt no real desire to; any effort was wasted. I had given up on that type of behaviour a year ago.

I stood in the shower for as long as I could, prolonging the time spent alone before having to go to work. I was certain that at least one person would ask how I was, while everyone else did their best to ignore me unless they needed or wanted something. I dealt with the latter better than I did the former. While I wished that my brother, and to some degree his girlfriend, would treat me as normal, I cared less for the rest of the world. There was a mundaneness that everyone else seemed to carry with them, bar a select few. I had become disinterested in making new friends, and scarcely held onto the ones that I had. The people who worked with me just seemed so common and boring, nitpicking and gossiping at the trivial parts of the lives of people around them. I recognised that I had become quite cynical after the events of the preceding year, but it was comforting for me to keep my distance, and I was called a 'hard bastard' as a result.

Begrudgingly I turned the shower off before I used all of the hot water, and towelled myself down. I put on the uniform that I wore everyday, which consisted of a blue button down shirt with the company logo embroidered on it, black pants and a black tie. Simple enough for me. I would have been hard put if I had to decide what to wear every day. More then likely I would wear the same thing anyhow. With my morning ritual over, I left the bathroom with the intention of finally taking my breakfast bowl to be washed. I stopped in the hallway, not wanting to venture further as excited giggles could be heard from the kitchen. The need to avoid their covetousness outweighed the need to do domestic duties, so instead I quickly went to my room to retrieve my keys and left the house in a hurry without saying goodbye.

***

My desk at work was overflowing with paper, post-it notes, and general clutter. I hadn't bothered to try and clear it for months. It was much like my life, allowing everything to become chaotic and never attempting to fix anything. I pushed away a small section of the mess to make room for my coffee cup and turned on my computer. My email inbox was filled with spam and one actual email from my friend Jasper. Actually I considered him to be pretty much my only friend, even though I could be an arse towards him. He was the only one to stick by me at least, everyone else gave up.

The basic content of his email was inviting me to some work function of his tonight, he wanted to hit on a chick he met and he needed a wing man. Why he would think of me for this was beyond me. I replied that I it wasn't a good weekend for me and I had work to catch up on. Truth was it was never a good weekend for me. I noticed some new pieces of paper on the top of my already packed "in" pile, so I reached over and pulled them out. The first two were notifications of jobs, and the rest were work memos. I trashed the memos, and looked over the jobs: someone's computer on level two kept freezing; and a software update was needed to be installed on several computers. I frowned at the pages in my hand, most of the time the problems that people had with computers were a direct result of their own stupidity. It had also occurred to me that the company would save money by setting up a form of instant messaging in their intranet structure instead of constantly printing documents out, and save paper while they were at it, but I wasn't about to suggest it to them. Better just to go about my work than to draw attention to myself. I decided the freezing computer problem could wait, there were plenty of other computers that people could use, and headed up to the first floor to get started on the software installation.

My time for most of the day was spent sending people away from their computers, much to their distaste, and then sitting around for fifteen minutes while the software loaded. In an effort to keep costs down, the company chose not to upgrade their hardware, which belonged in the mid-nineties, an obviously idiotic mistake as any computer malfunction meant lost productivity. I was beginning to think that some head honcho was 'cooking the books'.

I was bored by one o'clock and decided it was time for lunch, which consisted of a cigarette and an apple. The apple was my attempt at being healthy. I switched the computer I had been working on into restart mode, and strode over to the closed stairwell which led to the roof. Heaving myself up the flight of stairs was no task for me, I took two stairs at a time, and thrust open the heavy emergency exit door at the top. The cold air hit me hard, and wind swept around my face, forcing my hair into a kind of dance as it was pulled in several directions. I had absentmindedly left my coat downstairs at my desk, and began to regret it instantly. There was no rain, or even snow yet, but the breeze still had a bite. I walked over to the far railing across from the door, removed a cigarette from the packet, and let it hang in my mouth. I had my doubts that I would be able to light it at all, so I stood there and let my eyes linger on the landscape. Directly in front of me were more buildings and roads stretching out in various directions. The colours were bland, neutral, and resonated of the deeds that took place inside of them. If I raised my head a little, I could begin to see where the houses started. They showed more promise, with speckles of shades you might actually find in a rainbow, or a simple refraction of light. Further in the distance lay my favourite scenery to look at. I lifted my eyes to the farthest point that I could see. Everywhere was green, filled with trees and plants, overgrown and closely grouped. They shifted with the wind, swaying in rhythm, appearing to lean over and speak softly to one another in a chorus of Chinese whispers. Occasionally, a bird would fly out, circle around then dive back into the green abyss. This sight was probably the only thing that made me smile these days. I lost myself in the forest, scarcely registering any thought until I heard the door creak open behind me. I didn't turn around at the sound, although I was mildly curious. In the entire time that I had been coming out here, I had never known any one else to do the same. The door clanged shut, and I listened as whoever it was coughed and shuffled to a space somewhere to the left of me. I held my gaze on the view in front of me, and made an attempt to light my cigarette. The flame of my lighter blew out once, twice, three times before I gave up. I scoffed to myself. It was typical that on today of all days I would find little pleasure. I shoved the cigarette and lighter back in my pocket and leant again the railing, which groaned under my weight. I could still hear small noises from the direction of other person, but I couldn't see them from my periphery. We both stood there for a while until the wind picked up even more. Finally feeling the chill enter my body, I decided it was time to leave. I pushed myself from the railing, turned away from my quiet companion and headed back inside the building.

Instead of returning to the monotonous task I had dealt with the entire morning, I went back to my desk. If I was lucky, I might be able to sneak in a nap under the table. Or, better still, I might be able to leave unnoticed. More and more frequently I had begun to leave the office earlier than I should. I was never caught, and no one ever mentioned anything to me, but that was still no reason to not be cautious. I had another email from Jasper on my computer, this time he was telling me not to be a wanker and that I had better have my shit together by seven pm because that's when he was coming around. I blew out a long breath and decided not to reply. I could possibly feint that I hadn't read the email and try to get out of being his sidekick while he tried to score. There was little optimism in the thought, but it was still worth a try. I stood up glanced around the area just outside of my small pavilion which substituted for an actual office. Five other people shared this room with me, including my manager. Each of them could be just as slack as the next, which made one wonder how any work got done in this place. There was no one in sight at the present moment in time; everyone was either on their lunch break still, or off somewhere else attending to some minor task. Feeling quite secure that I could slip out unnoticed, I turned my computer off and left. No one saw me. No one stopped me.

***

I drove the familiar route back home, accelerating just a little more than was necessary. Another bad habit. I always took the longer course in an attempt to avoid the house I had occupied for several years. The house _they_ now lived in. I cringed at the thought and caught a glimpse of my face in the rear vision mirror. The frown lines seemed to be prematurely etched into my forehead. I was too young for them to be wrinkles. I tore my eyes away from the wretched mirror and tried to focus on something else. Anything else. I didn't want these memories to continue to burn me like this. It was simply pathetic. I was about to turn into the driveway when I saw both Emmett's and Rose's cars still there. Neither of them had gone to work. Fuck. What was I meant to do now? There was no way that I was entering that house. The two of them were probably going at it like rabbits in every room. My stomach tensed as I tried to block the images which were surfacing. These weren't of my brother or his girl. These were of someone else who had the indecency to pull such an act that I was to bear witness to. My hands involuntarily gripped the steering wheel tight as I fought the urge to put my fist through something. Anger seared through my body and I knew I had to get away from there immediately. I stomped my foot on the accelerator and tore away with my tyres squealing in response. I drove, not thinking about where I was heading, and found myself flying along the interstate highway. A sudden urge to just keep driving and never return took hold of me. I felt a sense of freedom as the green surroundings rushed past me. The temptation was immense. I kept driving for an hour, until the reality hit me. It didn't matter where I went or what I did, I would still be in my own head with these torturous thoughts. I shook my head at the pitifulness of it. I needed to get out of this. I needed to get past this. The only problem was how.


	2. Bring Me To Life

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and it's related characters do not belong to me. They are owned by Stephenie Meyer.

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_Wanderer, stranger in the night. Come closer my sweet, but you will not entice me. _

The drive home was a lot slower. I paced myself so that I would arrive around the time that I would on any given work day. I figured that by now the two lovebirds would have composed themselves in the expectation that I was due home any time, and I was grateful to find them sitting on the couch when I walked through the door. My relief surpassed the normal twinge that I would experience whenever I saw them enveloped in each other's arms as they were now. Affectionate gestures like that always made me feel horrible inside, and opened up the pit where my heart once was even further. I nodded to them both as a 'hello' motion and set off toward my bedroom. My eyes swept the room when I opened the door, looking for any indication of change, a routine that I had yet to grow out of. Nothing seemed out of place. The bed was still made and unused, with the rumpled bedspread cast across it. The dresser was closed, the bookcase untouched, and the nightstand still bare with the lamp and glass of water. I trundled over to the bed, and sat on the end, kicking my shoes off in the process. I felt no comfort here, or anywhere really, but this was my place of solitude at the very least. I ran my hands lightly across the edge of the doona cover and stared at the bookcase. In a sad attempt to escape from my world, my own mental anguish, I had taken to reading a lot, allowing myself to become engrossed in other people, places and times. It was somewhat disturbing when I habitually tended to go for books with violent characters, but I figured that was my way of letting my own frustrations out. I read several stories at once, both new and previously read ones, and each night I would choose one based on my mood. Sometimes my mood would be so bad that a book would never suffice, and I would just lay awake the entire night. Not wanting tonight to be one of those nights, I studiously analysed my collection, willing myself to find something that would engross me for a few hours at the very least. I felt myself being drawn to a favourite story, a crime-thriller novel which had particularly graphic death scenes in it. I wasn't a sadist, that kind of stuff didn't get me off, I always rooted for the good guy. I guess I just felt better reading about someone performing those actions, better them than me. Because I never would do anything like that, no matter how badly tempted I was, it just wasn't in my nature. I stopped moving my hands along the comforter and peered at my watch. It was a little after six, too early to begin reading. As if on cue, my stomach rumbled and I remembered that I hadn't eaten since breakfast. My lunch sat uneaten on my desk at work. Conceding that I should probably eat something, I left for the kitchen. There was no dinner made, not that I had expected Emmett or Rose to have time to make anything seeing as they were most likely occupied in other ways all day. I was tastefully bad myself at cooking, so I avoided it at all costs. Dinner became a ham and cheese sandwich, washed down with a beer. Not entirely gratifying, but enough to satiate the hunger. As I was finishing up and clearing the bench, Emmett walked into the kitchen.

"Hey buddy," he said as he came over and placed a large bowl in the sink. "How was today?"

I knew what he meant by the question, it was not something he asked me on a regular basis. He wanted to know if today was a bad day for me, because today marked the first anniversary of my divorce. As much as I held affection for my brother, and appreciated his hospitality immeasurably, he just wasn't the person that I could talk to about my pathetic feelings.

"Fine," I answered bluntly. "Although it seems that you had an even better day." I raised my eyebrows knowingly at him, telling him that I knew he had been here for the entire day.

He grinned at me when he caught my drift, "Well, sometimes it's healthy to take a sick day."

I smirked in spite of myself and told him he was a sappy loser. It was impossible to insult Emmett, snide comments rolled off his back like they were drops of summer rain.

A knock at the door caught both of our attention, though neither of us moved figuring that Rose would find out who it was. It marked a serious point in their relationship that he was comfortable enough to have her answer the door to his house. I tried not to feel envious. There was a muffled conversation, and then Jasper's voice came floating into the house. Shit. There goes my quiet night. I eyed him as he walked into the kitchen, wondering what the hell he was doing here. He caught my gaze and shook his head minutely. He wasn't going to answer me with Emmett here. I watched as he strode over to Emmett and did one of those handshake manoeuvres before turning his attention to me.

"You didn't reply to my email," He said shortly, settling onto the barstool on the far side of the counter.

"I thought that was answer enough." I threw back.

Emmett, realising the tension between us, smartly left the room.

"You can be such a pitiful dick sometimes, you know that right Edward?" His voice was scathing.

"And you can be a downright pain in my arse." His comment hit me a bit harder than it was intended. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I thought it was obvious." He stated incredulously.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I am not going to some idiotic work party of yours Jasper, and especially not because you need someone there talk you up. You have work friends, use them."

"Man you can be stupid sometimes." He stated with a hollow laugh. "That's not the main reason I invited you. Honestly I don't think I need to be talked up because that fine woman seems keen already. I mostly asked you so that you could get out of this fucking house for once." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Don't even think of giving me some crap excuse Edward. You and I both know what today is, and we both know how miserable you've been for the past year and a half. I've accepted it up until this point, hoping you'd get over it, but instead you wallow here in pity. Grow some balls man. Get on with your life! Get out there!"

I snorted. "Jasper, do you honestly think that any woman would want to take me while I'm in this sort of state."

"I'm not talking about finding another woman. I'm talking about doing something better than sitting here every damn night." He was almost yelling at me.

I looked at him straight for a second. "What the hell brought this on?"

"Seriously? I've been meaning to say something to you for a while now. I guess I was kind of avoiding all of that serious talk shit. So are you going to come out willingly, or am I going to have to drag your arse out of here."

"I'm not going Jasper." I said, folding my arms.

"Quit being such a righteous prick and go and put some decent clothes on. You're a fucking mess man." He said, indicating my scruffy appearance.

"Give me one damn good reason why I should."

"Because she moved on and so should you." He spoke the words as quietly as he could.

I shoved myself away from the sink and slammed my hands down on the bench in front of Jasper, my face inches away from his.

"That's because she fucking moved on while we were still together." I spat out, anger rising in my chest. I was close to punching him, but I stopped myself knowing that my fury was misdirected.

I stood there, staring at him, waiting for him to say something else, but he just stared straight back at me. A minute passed and he still said nothing, so I pushed myself off the bench and blew out an irritated sigh. When he saw that I was calming down, he spoke.

"I'll be outside waiting in the car. Be there in ten minutes." He gave me a final glance that told me he wasn't taking 'no' for answer and stepped out of the kitchen.

The anger was still lingering inside of me as I moved to my room, with the urge to clobber something remaining as well. I knew Jasper was only trying to help, but I was in that mindset where I didn't want to be helped. He was right. I _was_ pitiful. I had allowed myself to feel this pain for too long. I just didn't know how to go about this any other way. No one was able to tell me what was and wasn't an appropriate reaction to this, or how I was supposed to behave. I initially contemplated going out there and fucking any woman that threw herself at me, that was the normal male approach to any relationship breakdown. For some reason I couldn't though. Whenever I considered it, I was reminded of her and the shit she put me through. Fucking Tanya.

Knowing I had only a couple of minutes left before Jasper drove off, I resigned myself to finding something to wear. I grabbed the first thing I found, a black t-shirt and jeans, and threw it on. I didn't bother doing anything else, it would have been a pointless effort anyhow. Jasper already had the engine running when I finally made it to the car.

"About fucking time!" He spoke with a tone which showed he was glad I had decided to come.

"Had to beautify myself," I said. I silently thanked him for not being overly princessy about my decision.

***

We got there forty-five minutes later, with Jasper stating that we had left too early and he needed a feed. Apparently the food at these get-togethers left something to be desired, so we went on a take-out run. The venue was some shabby pub which looked slightly run down and was called Seaside. A thoroughly stupid name considering we were miles from the ocean. It seems that Jasper's employers scrimped just as much as mine did. He had informed me that this was for some long-term employee's retirement, and I commented on how much he must have meant to the company if this is where they were holding an event to commemorate his time there.

I took in the pub's furnishings as I entered; fishing netting hung from the ceiling, and pictures of boats were slung over the walls everywhere, leaving only room for fake portholes which served to show the wooden boards behind them. Everything in the place was wooden, from the bar, to the tables, chairs and floors. I chortled to myself, thinking about how many splinters you could get from a place like this.

The pub was filled with people already, and I wondered how many, if any, were people not here for the party. I noticed a few lonesome men down the far end of the bar, who looked like they had been dragged through hell and back and figured they could probably count as the regulars. I cringed thinking how easily that could become me. We walked up to the bar to get drinks first, while Jasper chatted to some work friends of his. He didn't bother introducing them to me, which suited me fine. No point in faking niceties. Just because I came out didn't mean I had to be Mary Sunshine about it. After a few minutes Jasper turned his attention back to me and indicated that we should take a seat.

"She's not here yet," he announced when we sat down. I knew instantly that he was talking about the girl that he had come here for.

"What's her name anyway?" I asked in an effort to keep the conversation going.

"Alice," he stated grinning. "Short as man, but she's fucking hot. Intelligent too, she's put me in my place a couple of times. "

I shook my head at him. If he ever got with this girl I could see him becoming as much of a pansy as Emmett. There was a glint in his eye which told me that indicated that he felt more than lust for this girl. He made a couple more comments, mainly about her breasts and arse in an outfit that she had been wearing today, which he hoped she'd still be wearing. I was interested to meet her, if only to assess if she was precisely all that he was making her out to be. We moved onto other topics, discussing work and the miserable weather we had been having. When I had drained my glass of beer, I stood up to get another for both of us. By the time I got back to the table, there were two girls there. There was a girl sitting close to Jasper with raven hair which was so short it was borderline boyish. She had a petite frame and an impish face. By the way that she was leaning towards him, head down with a hand on his shoulder, this had to be Alice. She was attractive but not particularly the type of girl I would consider. I noted that she wasn't wearing a cleavage bearing shirt and wondered if Jasper was disappointed. The other girl occupied the chair next to mine. She had long chocolate brown hair which cascaded over her shoulders, but her face was turned away from mine, so I was unable to make any further assessments on her.

I coughed as I sat down, scraping the chair outwards slightly, and away from the brunette next to me. Jasper, who had been engrossed in a conversation with Alice, turned his head towards me as I set his beer down in front of him. He smirked at me as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't, and cleared his throat.

"Hey thanks man. Edward I'd like you to meet Alice, Alice this is my buddy Edward," he said, gesturing with his hand between us.

Alice's eyes looked me over, seemingly gauging my appearance. I couldn't tell if she was appalled or not. She finally cracked a smile and offered me a hand to shake. I took it and shook it lightly before allowing it to fall and took a gulp of my drink. She then indicated towards the girl next to me.

"Edward, this is my friend Bella."

'Bella' slowly turned her head towards mine and gave a weak smile. My eyes widened slightly at the sight of her. She was quite attractive, with large brown eyes and red pouty lips.

"Hi." The word stumbled out of my mouth as I quickly swallowed my mouthful of beer and tried not to choke.

"Hi," she responded softly, while giving me a slightly mystified look. She appeared to be just about as happy to be here as I did, and I figured that Alice had probably dragged her along for the same reason that I had been. Neither of the girls had drinks. I considered if Jasper would offer to buy Alice one, and possibly her friend too. I just hoped that he wouldn't expect me to do another bar run.

With the introductions now over, Jasper and Alice turned back to their conversation. I tried to tune out their ramblings about work. Every now and then the sound level of their exchange would drop, and I could see them sharing flirtatious glances. Bella didn't talk at all. She had an aura of shyness about her. I was tempted to say something to her, just so that she wouldn't seem so bored, but after such a long time of not talking to people except out of necessity, I couldn't think of anything to say. So we both sat there, trying not to look at the two people in front of us. I gazed around the room, watching people laughing and chatting to one another, while I played with my half-empty glass. I was quickly regretting coming out. There was nothing to really hold my attention here, and my mind kept wandering to thoughts that I had been trying to avoid since I got home. It wouldn't be particularly good to get irate, or even emotional, in a room full of strangers. When Alice started running her hands through Jasper's hair, I got the sudden urge to leave the table. This was becoming far too uncomfortable for my liking. First Emmett, now Jasper, throwing this type of behaviour in my face. I tried to put it down to the meaning of the day for me, but I wasn't really sure that I could tolerate watching people act like this at all anymore. I practically guzzled the rest of my beer and got up from my chair. Jasper gave me a slightly worried look, but I brushed him off with the wave of my hand, took my jacket which I had slung on the back of my chair when we had first sat down and made a beeline for the door.

The front doors just about opened onto a street. Not wanting to stand there to be watched by passers by in cars, I walked around the corner to face the parking lot instead. I fished through my jacket pockets for my packet of cigarettes and lighter. I wasn't really much of a smoker. It was just another thing that I did to fill the time, and it was something else for me to focus on. There was no breeze now as there had been earlier, just a dead chill in the air, so I had no trouble lighting one up. I took a deep draw and leant my head back onto the wall, closing my eyes, thinking about how long I could stay out here without Jasper noticing. I figured that I could stay here the whole night and he wouldn't notice. I heard scuffling noises to the side of me, so I opened my eyes to see who was heading in my direction. It was hard to see, with only the faint glow of a few incandescent bulbs attached to the alcove roof and the burning of my cigarette to cast light onto the path. Whoever it was had their eyes cast downward and probably hadn't seen me. When they moved under the next light, I noticed that it was Alice's friend. I stood up a little straighter, still looking in her direction. The noise finally alerted her that someone else was there, blocking her pathway. She glanced up, her eyes wider than what they had been inside, and stopped. She stood fast for a moment while I continued to stare at her, and then mumbled 'sorry' and made to turn around and walk back to where she came from. It took me a moment to register what she was doing, so I reacted a little slowly.

I took another draw on my cigarette and called out to her, "You can stay here, I don't mind." I frowned slightly at the honesty in my voice. "I mean you don't have to go back inside to that charade."

She turned a little back towards me, eyeing me apprehensively.

"I won't bite, I promise." I continued.

She seemed to be mentally deliberating the situation, chewing on her bottom lip. Then she turned herself completely towards me and shuffled back, stopping a few metres before she reached me. I averted my gaze towards the black landscape in front of me, trying to not make her feel any more uncomfortable than she already looked. We stood there quietly, with only the sounds of the night and me smoking my cigarette to accompany us. When I took the last puff, I dropped it to the ground and buried it underneath my foot to extinguish the flame. I felt her eyes on me, so I turned to find her scrutinising me disapprovingly.

"I'll pick it up when I leave," I said, anticipating what she was thinking, and her face relaxed a little in response.

I leaned against the wall once more, taking in deep breaths of the ice cold air. It burned my lungs more than the smoke had. My fingers became twitchy since I no longer had something I could occupy them with, so I began to tap them against the wall. Her head turned towards me once more, and I met her eyes. There was something in them, like she was trying to figure me out. I almost snorted. She would have one bitch of a task on her hands if she tried to do that.

"Do you do this often?" She asked me curiously.

"Do what?" I answered.

"Escape from crowds like this?" Her eyes danced a little in the light, but gave no meaning to the question.

"Sometimes," I said after a moment, and turned my head away letting the conversation fall.

An owl hooted in the distance, and cars splashed by on the road adjacent to us, the only sounds to break the silence, until she spoke again.

"I do too." Her voice was soft, almost as hushed as it had been when she said 'hi'. "I find it easier to not be around people. Most are so fake."

I peered at her quizzically. Why was she telling me this? I merely nodded, not knowing what to say. She let out a sigh at my non-responsiveness.

"People project who they think everyone else wants to see," I said thoughtfully, trying to meet the effort that she was making. "We are who society dictates us to be."

She smiled a little at my words. "That's true." Her expression changed to one of analysis again as she surveyed my face.

"You're quite true in your projection." She stated.

"Excuse me?" I said as I furrowed my brow. The words came out a little angrier than I had intended them to be.

She winced a little, "I just meant that you don't seem to hold yourself back as much."

I scoffed at her statement. "You know this from the thirty seconds of dialogue that we have exchanged?" I said challengingly.

Her eyes narrowed a little, and I could tell she was still assessing me. "I watched you inside a little. I get feelings about people, and usually I'm dead on."

"Lucky you." I didn't feel like continuing this conversation, so I attempted to change its direction. "So why are you here tonight?"

"Isn't it obvious," she said scathingly, "it's the same reason you are." She had noticed that too.

I had to laugh at the flash of anger that I saw in her eyes. At least someone else held the same amount of enthusiasm that I did, and I told her so.

I watched as she chewed at her lip again. "Maybe they thought they could set us up?" She questioned.

This time my laughter was loud and rambunctious. "I hardly think so Bella," I said, addressing her by name for the first time. "Jasper isn't that much of an idiot."

She appeared a little stung by my words, so I moved to clarify somewhat. "If Jasper tried to set me up on a date, it would fail no matter who it was."

She nodded, and appeared to accept my declaration. "I'm sure Alice would know better too." I was curious as to what she meant by that, but I allowed the moment to pass without questioning her further.

With a last look over her body in the dim light, I made a motion to leave. "Well I guess I'd better head back inside and see if I can find Jasper."

I began to walk, thinking she would likely do the same, but she didn't move. As I tried to move past her she reached out a hand to stop me and I felt a small electric charge when her skin touched mine. I glanced down at her hand and then back up to her face; her expression indicated that she had felt it too. I held my attention to her, my face a mask of minor aggravation and curiosity, waiting for her to say something.

"Your cigarette butt," she said pointedly, indicating towards the ground where I had left my trash.

I flashed my eyes towards the butt, and walked back to grab it. I watched her, amused, as I started walking once more. This time she turned and started walking before I reached her. When we reached the bright lights just outside the front door, I had the chance to fully appreciate her feminine figure. She had nice hips, slightly hidden by her jacket, and a diminutive arse. She was quite attractive by the standards of a lot of the women I knew. She hesitated by the door, waiting until I had caught up, her gaze meeting mine as ambled towards her. Her cheeks began to turn red, and I wasn't sure if it was from the tiny breeze that had began to blow, or whether she had caught me admiring her body. I felt like telling her it didn't matter if I found her attractive, I wouldn't consider doing anything that could even indicate a relationship; _that_ was my honest truth.

I reached out to the door handle before she could, and gestured her inside. Part of me acknowledged how this might appear to an onlooker, with her blush and my tousled hair, just because that's how it was, and I laughed to myself as the noise and ambience of the pub washed over me once more. Considering how much laughter I had emitted tonight, I figured it hadn't been so bad after all.

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**A/N: **Please review, I like knowing what you like/dislike about the story. It fuels my fire to continue writing. :)


	3. Nobody Knows

**Disclaimer:** I own naught but the plot.

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_Into the darkness we dance, we linger, we play. Take me from this darkness, take me far away._

The rest of the weekend wasn't as interesting as Friday night. It felt drawn out. Long. I actually began to crave going back to work, just so I could have something to fill the time. Both my brother and my friend were absent from my world, tending to the women at their feet. I was beginning to feel alone. It was a bit surprising how quickly Jasper had taken to Alice. I was under threat of losing my best friend to a girl, and the thought irked me a little.

'_Friday night_' I thought to myself, shaking my head. The rest of the evening had been enjoyable somewhat. We had returned to the table, where Alice and Jasper were all but dry humping each other. Thankfully they settled down a bit when they noticed they had company, and conversation began to flow in our direction. I initially had doubted that they had noticed us arriving back at the same time, but when Jasper caught me laughing at something Bella had said, he eyed me suspiciously. You would think that the guy had never seen me laugh in my life. He had tried to ambush me on the way home, but I steered the conversation towards his public indiscretions with Alice. That shut him up fairly quickly. I had told him there was nothing to it anyhow, she just happened to be someone I could talk to, who was female as well. I had mainly made the effort to prove that I could be social, and she just couldn't help but analyse every word and action of mine. She never said anything out loud, but I could see it in her eyes every time she peered in my direction. It was fucking unnerving, and yet still slightly flattering that someone would even bother to pay me that kind of attention. Too bad that would most likely be the last time I saw her.

Monday rolled around soon enough and I fell back into the unease of going to work. As I came into the office, four of my other colleagues were there; everyone minus my manager. I ignored them as they did me. All of us were considered to be computer technicians; at least that's what our job title stated, although there was hardly a need for so many of us. Ours was just a lowly insurance company. Most of the time we had nothing to do, and considering that the computers themselves were virtually prehistoric, there was generally not much we could do with them. But, hell, it wasn't like I was becoming a millionaire by working here; it was more of a measly sum, which was probably why they could afford so many of us.

As always, my desk was flooded with paper, added now with the apple that I had forgotten to eat on Friday, which was started to decompose. Most of the paperwork which littered my work area was write-ups of jobs completed, service records and the like. No one had ever asked for these in the fourteen months that I had worked here, so I didn't bother with them any more.

I tossed the apple, threw my jacket over my chair, picked up my last job sheets which were those from Friday. Not feeling particularly enthused by installing software updates again, I chose to attend to the job, which was the computer with the freezing issue. Half my luck it would be fixed already and I wouldn't have to deal with a more-than-likely irritated employee. As tempted as I was to just sit at my desk for a few hours, I knew I should do some of the work required of me. After all, I had spent the entire weekend wanting to be here.

I took the stairs to the first floor and walked over to the computer terminal marked 'forty-eight'; it was in the customer service section. There was nobody at the computer when I reached it, so I decided to just still down and find out what the hell was wrong with it instead of waiting for them to come back. It would ease a lot of unnecessary talk about what the problem was, and also the annoying polite conversation that would follow, just because they didn't want to look like they were just standing there, doing nothing. The people that irritated me the most were the ones who liked to pretend they knew what they were doing, and knew what was wrong, but they thought they should check with the expert 'just in case', when in actual fact they didn't know a motherboard from a monitor, and were usually just wankers to boot. I got rid of the windows screensaver and checked the CPU statistics before running a virus scan. The program ran slowly, as everything did on these computers, so I leant back into the chair and placed my hands on my head. I closed my eyes and began to hum to myself softly in an attempt to drown out all of the noise surrounding me: the computers whirring; people talking; keyboards clacking. It wasn't long before I was lost in my own thoughts. I was actually at the point of drifting off when I was brought back to reality by someone calling my name.

"Edward?" Asked a vaguely familiar voice.

I spun the chair around quickly, nearly toppling out of it, and was met by a pair of warm, brown eyes. My face mirrored her confusion.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" I questioned, furrowing my brow.

"Well I was going to ask the same thing of you, especially why you're sitting at my desk."

'Her desk,' I thought. She was standing in before me, with a cup of coffee in hand and a quizzical look in her eye. It took a moment to dawn on me that she must work here. What were the odds?

I scrambled for a reply. "I'm here to fix the computer," I said, gesturing towards the screen.

"Oh," she replied, peering at the monitor. "I don't know that much about computers. It just stops working all of a sudden when I'm trying to type something up."

Frustration crossed her face as she pulled the chair from the empty desk next to hers and proceeded to sit down next to me. My eyes didn't leave her the entire time, and when she noticed, her face fell a little.

"Do you want me to leave?" She seemed concerned that I would disapprove of her being there.

"No, it's fine. It is your computer after all." It was Friday night all over again with me telling her she could stay.

I attempted to smile as relief flooded her face. It intrigued me how I had never seen her here before, but I put it down to my sullenness and ability to miss the little things that occurred right under my nose. I turned back to the computer only to find that the virus scan was still running, although it seemed to be detecting a few trojans and spyware on the hard drive. Bella came closer to me, leaning in towards the screen and asked what I was doing.

Trying to ignore how close she was, I answered, "I'm just attempting to find out whether the problem lies with malicious software first before I take a closer look at the system."

She nodded, but didn't seem incredibly aware of what I was telling her. "How do I do that?" She asked.

I explained to her what to do, and she informed me that she wanted to know so that she would know what to do if it happened again. I told her hopefully it wouldn't happen again if I was able to fix it now. The virus scan ended, and I scrolled through the list of unwanted software that it had detected, raising my eyebrows as I looked through it thoroughly. Bella noticed my change in facial expression and questioned me.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It seems that someone has been looking at pornography sites," I answered with a smirk.

There were familiar names and sources for the viruses and trojans as I attempted to remove them from the hard drive. I had seen them before on Emmett's computer when he had asked me to help fix his. I told him to stop looking at free porn sites as downloads were usually riddled with nasty software. Apparently he had applied for platinum membership to a popular site after that, and I refused to touch his computer again. It was hard to believe that Bella would look at such websites, and the blush that crept onto her cheeks with embarrassment told me I was right in my assessment.

"Don't worry," I chuckled, "I don't think that you were looking at porn. It was most likely on here from someone else using the computer."

"I don't know who used it before me, I've only been here a week." She replied frowning at the computer again.

So that could be why I hadn't noticed her before, she hadn't worked here long. I assessed her facial expression and said, "Pornography isn't that bad. It's a natural human instinct to be curious about sex."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "I never said it was bad. I'm just not fond of the depiction of women in the majority of it. I find it hard to believe that women can enjoy sex _that_ much." Her voice was incredibly serious.

I was taken aback by her statement, and was instantly intrigued at the same time. Was she telling me that she watches pornography? Most women in my experience who had spoken freely about sex or even about watching porn generally did so because they were attempting to get laid, not because they really meant or felt it. Nothing in her expression or voice told me that this was the case.

She appraised the astounded look on my face and smirked. "Just because I'm female doesn't mean that I can't have that curiosity, I am human after all," she said, pointing out my previous statement. "But it still wasn't me who was looking at work. I have more intelligence than that."

I laughed and proceeded in my attempts to rid the computer of the malicious software. She sipped her coffee, and alternated between looking at my face and the computer screen. I began to feel like she was analysing me again, which made me slightly nervous. Why she would even be interested astounded me, and I began to wonder if she did this to everyone or just me.

"You don't sleep much do you?" She asked suddenly.

I frowned and narrowed my eyes at her. "What makes you say that?" I was right, she had been analysing me.

"Your eyes," she stated matter-of-factly, pointing to the black circles that lined the bases of my eyes.

I snorted and turned back to the computer feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Sorry," she apologised.

Damn it, couldn't she stop assessing me for one moment!

I glanced back at her and saw the apology in her large brown eyes, which softened me a little. I attempted to smile at her in an effort to let her know I wasn't that offended by her question. I just wasn't used to anyone but Jasper and Emmett paying me attention, at least not lately that is. She seemed satisfied with my non-verbal response and began to sip her coffee again. It took me about ten more minutes to finish, all the while we both sat there in silence with me clicking and typing away, and her watching everything I did. I began to feel surprisingly at ease with her there, even though neither of us spoke. I appreciated that I didn't have to make inane chatter with her, that I didn't have to try to think of something to fill the quiet that came with the end of a conversation. The last thing I did before standing up was to reboot the computer and tell her to let me know if there were any more problems. She thanked me and gave me a brilliant smile before I strode away.

I stopped in the stairwell, not quite wanting to go back to my desk just yet, and thought about what had just happened in the last half an hour. Bella worked here, not only that, but she was actually an interesting person; and brutally honest as well. I guess that's what she meant the other night about people being fake; she was upfront with her opinions, not hiding them fors fear of reprisal. Well at least that was what I could gather from the short amount of time I had spent with her. She was certainly something else.

***

I worked on the software updates that I had started on Friday until lunchtime, and then I stole away to the rooftop. I had been holding out for a cigarette for most of the morning as my head had been clouded with thoughts. I had been thinking about the peculiarity of Bella, and most unfortunately, I had been thinking of Tanya. It was always the way, when I thought of another woman I would end up thinking about my ex-wife. The process that my brain worked through irritated me, and left me with the anger and anxiety all over again. As I lit my cigarette up, I noticed my hands were shaking and I mentally kicked myself for allowing these things to work me up so much. There was no breeze where I stood today, but in the distance I could see the forest performing its ritualistic dance. I watched as a flock of birds swooped around the tips of the trees, diving down out of view and then ascending once more. I could imagine that they were part of the performance, daring themselves to travel as far as they could into the sea of trees before racing out again. My anxiety began to calm as I watched nature's recital, and I began to lose the need for the cigarette, so I stubbed it out. Concentrating on the images in front of me allowed me to clear my mind of the unwanted thoughts that had plagued me for most of the day, and I intended to stay out here as long as I could. I heard the familiar creak of the door behind me, announcing someone's arrival to the rooftop. Instead of ignoring them as I had last time, curiosity got the better of me so I peeked over my shoulder to see who had come to disrupt the one peaceful moment I had. I was momentarily surprised as I watched the figure stride across the paved ground to the railing. It was Bella. We held each other's gaze as she walked, and part of me wondered if it was her who had kept me company last time.

"Hi," she said quietly, waving in my direction.

"Hey," I answered, my voice was gruff from not speaking to anyone since our conversation that morning.

She reached into the bag that was wrapped around her tiny body, produced an apple and began to eat it. My stomach grumbled and I resented throwing mine out as I had forgotten to bring lunch. I would have to stop at one of the vending machines later. I didn't mean to stare at her, but it was slowly becoming a habit. I guess I was trying to figure her out as much as she much as she tried to decipher me. She bit into the apple again and looked in my direction.

"What?" She asked, stopping mid-bite. "Is there something on my face?"

I smirked and shook my head. "No, there's nothing on your face. I just found it interesting that someone else would bother coming out here is all."

She raised an eyebrow in question. "Doesn't anyone else ever come out here?"

"Not in all the time I've been here. Well, besides one instance last week that is."

"Oh." She frowned in thought. "That was you out here last week, wasn't it?" Realisation spread across her face.

I nodded and saw her lean closer to me, as if she was examining my face. It wouldn't have made much of a difference considered we were at least ten metres apart.

"I guess that's why..." She began before trailing off. She pursed her lips and lifted a finger to them. "Hrmm."

I waited for her to continue her thought, but she seemed to want to keep it inside her head.

"Care to elaborate?" I asked.

She shook her head. "It's nothing really; I just thought I had recognised you for a moment last Friday night when we were at the pub. It just suddenly made sense why."

I raised my eyebrows. Had she been watching me that day too? Suddenly I wished I hadn't extinguished my cigarette, as another wave of anxiety washed over me. I took a deep breath and worked to suppress the emotion. It wasn't worth getting worked up over. So far I had seen no reason other than pure curiosity behind her actions, and I wasn't about to jump the gun and assume she had some ulterior motive. I had to remind myself that not all women were as malicious as Tanya.

I leant on the metal railing in front of me, which was attached to a brick wall approximately thirty centimetres beneath it. The railing was high enough that I could rest on it easily; reaching up towards my abdomen. It would probably be chest level for Bella. The obvious reason for the railing was safety, but considering that it had a tendency to move minutely whenever I placed enough weight on it, it was hardly secure. More than likely I should inform someone of the issue, but I figured nothing would be done about it since next to no one visited the rooftop, and I wasn't an important enough employee who could make sufficient noise about it. Besides, arse-kissing was generally a factor in matters such as these and I was certainly not going to involve myself in such business fiascos.

I attempted to centre my attention on the forest once again. Unfortunately, the sound of Bella crunching on her apple made focusing near impossible to do. Eventually I just closed my eyes and waited for her to finish. Her eating noises ceased after a short while, so I opened my eyes and turned my attention towards her, wondering if she would leave now. She was leaning on the railing as well, her shoulders hunched over as she stared towards the ground three storeys below. I suddenly sensed a frailty about her, as if she wasn't in fact as strong as she seemed. I refused to allow the thought to linger further though; I didn't know Bella and I wasn't about to pry. There was still the desire to find out why she came out to the rooftop however, so I asked her.

"I come out here for the freedom." She answered. "To escape from the people who pretend to like you, or want to get to know you, but always have some other intention behind their actions. I guess in my experience people always want something. So I just prefer to avoid people."

I stared studiously at her as she spoke, watching her body language. She shifted her arms closer to her body, as if they could form a protective barrier for her. I understood what she meant, it was difficult to take people at face value; because once you let those barriers down and when you least expect it, the people who you trust and care about most can throw all of that back in your face.

She continued without me prompting her. "Especially people here at work. I mean, on my first day here and I have one girl come up to me and tell me that she has to absolutely get to know me, which means she wants any gossip she can on me since I'm the new person; someone else engages me in conversation and then proceeds in attempting to get me to do their work; and then there's the guy who was extremely friendly but I can tell that all he wants to know is if I am an easy fuck, you know?"

A smile danced across my lips as I listened to her, trying to imagine exactly who it was she was talking about.

She sighed, "I don't believe everyone is like that, it's just easier not to try; to stick with who you know, that way you're not disappointed."

"Must be frustrating that you can't seem to avoid me," I said. It was more of a statement than a question.

She crinkled her nose and forehead. "You're not exactly like most people, I can tell. So I don't mind being around you."

I barely caught the last words she spoke, as a breeze suddenly picked up and her voice trailed away, so I decided that she couldn't have said what I thought she had. Nobody enjoyed being in my company. When I didn't respond to her, she threw the same question I asked her back at me.

"So, Edward, why do you come out here?"

"_I_ come out here for the scenery." I didn't elaborate and divulge my need for distractions; that was a conversation I wasn't willing to have.

She looked down towards the concrete and pillars beneath us, confused. When her eyes met mine again, I pointed towards the distance, where the trees were dancing as always. She glanced upwards and stared in the direction that my finger showed. She watched for a moment and then shot her eyes back towards me, questioning me.

"The trees?"

"Just watch," I said simply.

I checked to see if the birds were still flying about, which they were, but didn't continue to look at them. Instead I chose to gaze at her face, waiting for a reaction. I watched as her eyes seemed to sway as the forest did, taking in all of the view that was in front of her. I took the opportunity to study her other features, such as her small, rounded nose, and her long dark eyelashes. She was beautiful; there was no doubt about it, which was more than likely the reason why she received attention from so many people when she started working here. The girls would have wanted to know if she was a threat in any way to her, and the men, as she so succinctly said it, would have wanted to know if they could get in her pants.

It didn't take long before a smile began twitching at the sides of her mouth, and I smiled myself.

"Wow," she whispered. "It's so… calming. I never would have thought to watch the forest like that."

I nodded and checked my watch. It was time for me to return to the mundaneness that waited below. I stepped back from the rail and motioned to turn around. She followed my movements and I told her I had to get back to work. She half-nodded and continued to watch me walk back to the door. Just as my hand was about to grasp the handle, she called to me.

"Edward."

I peered over my shoulder towards her. "Yeah?"

"Will you be out here tomorrow?"

I blinked. Her question was completely unexpected, and I considered telling her 'no' for a split second. I couldn't say yes, I was averse to committing to any plans, so I decided to play it safe and stick with the middle ground.

"Maybe," I said quickly and left without waiting for a response.

She was too inviting, and it frightened a part of me. She shouldn't want to spend time with me; it wouldn't bode well for either of us, and I was probably going to have to just avoid her from now on.

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_Reviews are always appreciated._


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